Who Are Survivors?

Many people think that only women can be victims of sexual assault. While women are victimized at much higher rates than others, this does not mean that they are the only group that experiences this crime. Sexual assault occurs because of a person's need to control, and have power over someone sexually, regardless of gender, background, class, race, sexual orientation, and/or ability. Any group that is perceived to be vulnerable is at risk of being sexually assaulted. Below is some information about specific populations of victims.

Male Survivors

Sexual violence can and does happen to males. Our society doesn't like to think about it or talk about it, but men and boys are sexually assaulted and molested every day in the United States. Research suggests that 10-20% of all males will be sexually violated at some point in their lives. Men are not immune to the epidemic of sexual violence, nor are male survivors safe from the stigma that society attaches to all victims of rape. Male survivors are often disbelieved, called gay, and blamed for their own victimization when they report being sexually assaulted. Frequently, they respond, as do many female survivors, by remaining silent and suffering alone rather than risk further violation by those around them.

Most sexual assaults of males are perpetrated by other males. However, male rape has nothing to do with the sexual orientation of either the victim or the offender. Rape is not an expression of sexuality; it is a crime that is motivated by a need to control, humiliate, and harm. Therefore, male rape does not mean that a heterosexual victim will become gay, or that a homosexual victim caused the assault. In some cases, a gay male may be sexually assaulted by a heterosexual male simply because of his sexuality, this is known as a hate crime or a bias crime.

Even though majority of male rape is committed by other males, we should not overlook boys or men who are victimized by females. For instance, when a teenager is underage, sexual relations with someone above the age of consent, is illegal. In Georgia, the age of consent is 16. In addition, women can rape by using threats, coercion or by drugging a man. If a man is intoxicated, he is also unable to give consent. Adult men can be assaulted by friends, significant others, and strangers. Young and adolescent boys are often frequent targets of sexual predators. The offender is often someone the boy knows and trusts.

Due to the prevalent myths and stereotypes about masculinity, it may be very difficult to talk about your experience. It is understandable that rigid gender roles can increase your fear of being blamed for the assault because you weren't "man enough" to protect yourself, or that you are "weak." Our society's rigid definitions of men as always being in control, strong, and never being emotional, rarely fit the experiences and feelings of most men. It takes a lot of courage to talk about one's experience with sexual violence, male or female.

Stereotypes That Are Hurtful

• Men can't be sexually assaulted or raped: Yes, they can. There are thousands of boys and men assaulted each year. You are not alone.
• Real men don't cry: Crying is a sign of incredible strength. It means that we are facing up to what has happened to us and dealing with it. That takes strength.
• Feelings are weak: Everyone has feelings. To have them is to be human. Allowing ourselves to validate and truly feel them is frightening and thus incredibly brave.
• Men shouldn't show emotions: This is one of the most embedded stereotypes men must face. It just isn't true. Expressing emotions is necessary for all of us, male or female.

Survivors of Incest and Childhood Sexual Abuse

Child sexual abuse is a sexual activity of power, violence, and harm imposed on a child by an adult, an adolescent, or an older child. When any adult engages in sexual activity with a child, it is considered child sexual abuse. Perpetrators are usually someone the child knows and trusts and they use several different types of threats to control their victims. These include bribery, deception, manipulation, abuse of authority, and coercion. Types of abuse range from exposure of sexual parts of the body, voyeurism, use of pornography, fondling, and oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse. There may be a single occurrence, but most likely the abuse will continue over a period of time. Children are often taught to trust those in authority positions and perpetrators take advantage of this.

Incest is any form of sexual conduct between a child and a family member, including step-parents. The most common type of incest is perpetrated by the father or the step-father against a daughter. Incest can be very difficult to heal from because it is perpetrated by individuals who you thought you could trust and depend on. In addition, support can also be lacking and pressure to keep silent is powerful since you may fear the family breaking if other family members find out. Many victims of incest may not have any memories of it ever happening. This could be because the abuse occurred when you were very young. For some, you may have literally pushed the memories from your conscious mind in order to survive the abuse. In either case, you may feel as if something occurred and may eventually regain the memories of the abuse. There are many reactions that survivors of rape and sexual assault can have. But for adult survivors of childhood abuse or incest there are reactions that may be different than for other survivors. These include but are not limited to:

• Setting Limits or Boundaries - Because your personal boundaries were invaded when you were young by someone you trusted and depended on, you may have trouble understanding that you have the right to control what happens to you.
• Memories/Flashbacks
• Anger - As a child your anger was powerless and had little to no effect on the actions of your abuser. For this reason you may not feel confident that your anger will be useful or helpful. However, being angry is a very normal and understandable reaction.
• Grieving and Mourning - Being abused as a child means the loss of many things-childhood experiences, trust, innocence, normal relationship with family members (especially if the abuser was a family member). You must be allowed to name those losses and grieve for them.
• Guilt, Shame, and Blame - You may carry a lot of guilt because you may have experienced pleasure or because you did not try to stop the abuse. There may have been silence surrounding the abuse. It is important for you to understand that it was the adult who abused his/her position of authority and should be held accountable, not you.
• Sexuality - You may experience the return of body memories while engaging in a sexual activity with another person. Such memories may interfere in your ability to engage in sexual relationships which may leave you feeling frightened, frustrated, or ashamed. You always have the right to have your sexual limitations respected and to change your mind about sex if you become uncomfortable for any reason.

* This section was adapted from RAINN.org, Rape Abuse and Incest National Network.

LGBTQ Survivors

Those of us who survive a same sex assault, or survivors who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, or queer (LGBTQ), face greater barriers coming forward with our experience due to the prevalence of homophobia in our society. We may have fears about disclosing the assault to friends, or family members who are not aware of our sexual orientation or identity. In addition, there may be less support from service providers, police officers, hospital staff, or other people who may lack an understanding, awareness, or sensitivity to the issues facing LGBTQ individuals.

LGBTQ individuals may be sexually assaulted by someone of the same or opposite sex, within a relationship or outside of it, by an acquaintance or a stranger. Experiencing a sexual assault in the context of coming out, without someone you trust, and in a society which is homophobic and heterosexist can be extremely difficult and confusing. Even having the words and language to explain the experience may be challenging. As a community, LGBTQ people experience crime, violence, and discrimination simply because of who we are and who we love. As a result of societies' rigid notions of heterosexuality as the only "normal" orientation, these crimes are often unpunished and underreported. Any intimidating or violent acts committed against people because of the group to which they belong or with whom they identify, is known as a hate crime. Most hate crime legislation includes biases based on race, religion, and ethnicity. Some also include sexual orientation, gender and /or disability. Bias incidents, or conduct, speech, or expression motivated by prejudice but not involving a criminal act, is also very common and may affect a person based on race, ethnicity, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, disability, and socio-economic status.

For lesbian survivors, rape can be used as a form of punishment, as an assault on that portion of our identity. We may be doubly impacted by trauma because we are oppressed both as women and as a member of the gay community. For some lesbians or women who are intimate with other women, our sexual orientation is linked to our political and social beliefs. This includes views of patriarchy and the role of male privilege. If the attacker is male, his attack may be experienced on several levels: a personal assault on your body, your identity, and your political beliefs. Because this issue is so complex and so personally targeted, it is important to find support from loved ones, an advocate, or counselor who understands this multi-layered assault on who you are.

Women who survive same-sex rape or rape by an intimate partner, go through a similar recovery process as those who survive opposite-sex rape. This can include feeling confused, angry, scared, etc. In addition to these feelings, we also experience barriers to recovery as a result of living in a heterosexist and homophobic society. Many people, including those within the LGBTQ community, do not believe or are unaware that same sex rape happens. It can be especially hard for lesbians and bisexual women to believe that we could hurt each other in such a horrible way. Another reason for hesitating to talk about same sex rape is the fear of being accused of betraying the LGBTQ community by "airing our dirty laundry." However, all survivors deserve the freedom to talk about their experience if they choose to, no matter what the gender of the perpetrator is. It doesn't help anyone to feel pressured to stay silent about sexual violence or to pretend it doesn't happen within our community.

It is important to remember that:

• You are a person of value with the same right to be safe from violence as those who love someone of the opposite sex. Everyone has this right, no matter what their sexual orientation.
• You have the right to be as "out" as you want to be and to express your feelings to your partner in public and it doesn't give anyone the right to harm you.
• No one deserves to be sexually assaulted.
• Rape and sexual assault can be life-threatening situations. You may have cooperated in order to survive. Cooperation is NOT consent. You did what you had to do to survive.
• Rape is not an expression of sexuality.
• It is normal to feel confused, isolated, and betrayed if you are assaulted by your intimate partner.
• Rape is about power and control, not about roles...whether you identify as butch or femme, either one can be a victim or a perpetrator of this crime.
• You have a right to say no to anyone, even your lover, partner, date, or to any sexual activity you do not want.
• You have the right to services which are non-judgmental and welcoming.

Survivors with a Disability

Most people aren't aware that sexual assaults against people with physical, visual, mental or emotional disabilities are very common. This is because people who commit these assaults perceive people with disabilities as easy targets. This violence is often made invisible by society's false assumptions that rape is about sex and that people with disabilities are asexual.

As with most sexual assaults the assailant is someone the survivor knows and usually trusts. In the case of survivors with a disability, the perpetrator is often someone who has some role in her/his personal care. This distinction further complicates the already difficult decision to report the abuse and may make the survivor feel powerless to do something about what has or is happening. Regardless of that person's role in your life, you still have the right to report the incident. You also have the right to be treated with the same care and concern that able-bodied survivors do.

One of the most significant barriers to survivors with a hearing impairment is communication accessibility. You may have experienced a tendency by people to ignore you because they don't know how to deal with your deafness. The hearing world may feel very separate from your own; you may have had negative experiences in the past with doctors, police, or counselors. This can make it difficult for survivors to feel like their experiences with sexual violence will be validated and taken seriously. The Sexual Assault Center of NW GA has volunteers and staff who can communicate in sign language.

It is important to remember that:

• You are a person of value.
• Society may label us as disabled or able-bodied, but everyone has limitations.
• You have the right to request a qualified sign-language or oral interpreter.
• You have the right to services which are non-judgmental and welcoming.
• No one deserves to be sexually assaulted.
• You deserve to feel safe and comfortable around your caretakers, care providers, or translators.

 P.O. Box 928   Rome, Georgia  30162      Ph: (706) 292-9024    Fax:  (706) 292-0114       CRISIS HOTLINE:  (866) 655-8625         Ft. Oglethorpe Expansion Ctr:     Ph: (706) 861-0929     Fax: (706) 866-0782    

Copyright © 2009 sacnwga.org. All rights reserved.